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You might be a liberal


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You might be a liberal if . . .

 

You think that consenting adults can engage freely in every activity except capitalism.

 

You named your children Moonglow and Arizona.

 

You think the really alarming violence takes place outside the abortion clinic.

 

You’ve ever referred to the “root cause” of something.

 

You pray to “The Woman Upstairs.”

 

You think we never gave peace a chance.

 

You had to be told that “Manhattan,” “menopause” and “boycott” were not sexist words

 

You begin sentences with the words “I feel.”

 

Your driver’s license has a hyphen because for you one last name just isn’t enough.

 

You don’t think “All in the Family” is a very funny program, but watch it anyway because Meathead makes a lot of sense.

 

You think OJ is out looking for the real killers.

 

You think Julia Sugarbaker is an astute social commentator.

 

You think it takes a village.

 

You think that the words “to promote the general welfare” in the Constitution mean to promote welfare generally.

 

You think that, even though more people voted against him than for him in both the 1992 and the 1996 presidential elections, Bill Clinton had a mandate.

 

You think that conservatives, like preservatives, ought to be federally regulated.

 

You ever wore earth shoes.

 

You have ever wondered out loud, “Why can’t we all just get along?”

 

You think the New York Times prints all the news that’s fit.

 

You think that Rush Limbaugh is just an entertainer.

 

You spent Columbus Day reading Bury My Heart at Wounded Knee.

 

You reach the limits of your talent and then complain that you ran into a glass ceiling.

 

You wear more ribbons on your lapel than in your hair.

 

You think that the really dangerous McCarthy was Joe, not Eugene.

 

You blame the Unabomber’s parents.

 

You fail to see the connection between Lenin and Lennon.

 

You have ever agreed with Martin Sheen or Barbra Streisand.

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You might be a conservative if...

 

You think "proletariat" is a type of cheese.

 

You've named your kids "Deduction one" and "Deduction two."

 

You've tried to argue that poverty could be abolished if people were just allowed to keep more of their minimum wage.

 

You've ever referred to someone as "my (insert racial or ethnic minority here) friend"

 

You've ever tried to prove Jesus was a capitalist and opposed to welfare.

 

You're a pro-lifer, but support the death penalty.

 

You think Huey Newton is a cookie.

 

The only union you support is the Baseball Players, because heck, they're richer than you.

 

You think you might remember laughing once as a kid.

 

You once broke loose at a party and removed your neck tie.

 

You call mall rent-a-cops "jack-booted thugs."

 

You've ever referred to the moral fiber of something.

 

You've ever uttered the phrase, "Why don't we just bomb the sons of bitches."

 

You've ever said, "I can't wait to get into business school."

 

You've ever called a secretary or waitress "Tootsie."

 

You answer to "The Man."

 

You don't think "The Simpsons" is all that funny, but you watch it because that Flanders fellow makes a lot of sense.

 

You fax the FBI a list of "Commies in my Neighborhood."

 

You don't let your kids watch Sesame Street because you suspect Bert and Ernie of "sexual deviance."

 

You use any of these terms to describe your wife: Old ball and chain, little woman, old lady, tax credit...

 

You scream "Dit-dit-ditto" while making love.

 

You've argued that art has a "moral foundation set in Western values."

 

When people say "Marx," you think "Groucho."

 

You've ever yelled, "Hey hippie, get a haircut."

 

You think Birkenstok was that radical rock concert in 1969.

 

You argue that you need 300 handguns, in case a bear ever attacks your home.

 

Vietnam makes a lot of sense to you.

 

You point to Hootie and the Blowfish as evidence of the end of racism in America.

 

You've ever said "civil liberties, schmivil schmiberties."

 

You've ever said "Clean air? Looks clean to me."

 

You've ever referred to Anita Hill as a "lying bitch" while attending a Bob Packwood fund-raiser.

 

You spent MLK Day reading "The Bell Curve."

 

You've ever called education a luxury.

 

You look down through a glass ceiling and chuckle.

 

You wonder if donations to the Pentagon are tax-deductable.

 

You came of age in the '60s and don't remember Bob Dylan.

 

You own a vehicle with an "Ollie North: American Hero" sticker.

 

You're afraid of the "liberal media."

 

You ever based an argument on the phrase, "Well, tradition dictates...."

 

You've ever called the National Endowment for the Arts a bunch of pornographers.

 

You think all artists are gay.

 

You ever told a child that Oscar the Grouch "lives in a trash can because he is lazy and doesn't want to contribute to society."

 

You've ever urged someone to pull themselves up by their bootstraps, when they don't even have shoes.

 

You confuse Lenin with Lennon.

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Yep, I am a conservative.

 

And  "proletariat" is a cheesy marxist word!

 

Vladimir Lenin

The Tasks of the Proletariat in Our Revolution

(Draft Platform For The Proletarian Party)

 

Written: April, 1917

Source: Lenin Collected Works, Volume 24, p. 55 - 91

First Published: September, 1917 (pamphlet)

Translated: Bernard Isaacs

Online Version: marxists.org 1999

 

 

You call mall rent-a-cops "jack-booted thugs."

Yes I do!

 

You argue that you need 300 handguns, in case a bear ever attacks your home.

Can"t have enough. What about a "Herd of Bears" ?

 

You've ever said, "I can't wait to get into business school.

" Busted for the good"

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You argue that you need 300 handguns, in case a bear ever attacks your home.

Can"t have enough. What about a "Herd of Bears" ?

 

 

 

 

......................................... :Beer-Chug[1]:

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You know you're  Libertarian When:

 

You don't make excuses for yourself as being "oppressed by the man"

 

You DO make excuses for being "oppressed by the government"

 

You understand Egoists

 

You understand Liberty

 

You understand Capitalism and why it's the only moral system that recognizes individual rights.

 

You understand the founding fathers were really on to something, but modern day politics F***** it all up.

 

You know the civil war was a turning point for federal intrusion.

 

You know color sex and creed do not matter-but brain size definitely matters.

 

You know religion is a smile on a dog.

 

You don't care who smokes what, as long as they do not force you or children to smoke it. (same goes for who drives what, listens to what, says what, buys what, does what.)

 

You know that "Liberal" somehow replaced the word "socialist", in fact, you are pissed that the socialists took your word liberal and twisted it into a communist agenda.

 

You know that coercion is coercion, weather physically or fiscally.

 

You understand that extreme religious fascists are just as dangerous as left wing socialists.

 

The statement"There is no effective government program" is obvious.

 

"That government that governs least governs best"

 

"Those willing to trade liberty for safety deserve neither"

 

"government at BEST is a necessary evil; At worst, Intolerable"

 

Libertarians know they're right, but people are too involved in the two parties to figure out they are trapped in the "lesser of two evils" syndrome.

 

Libertarians know there has NEVER been a COERCIVE monopoly that was NOT government sponsored.

 

OK, I'll come up with more ideas later!

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God damn I hope I don't listen to this in the trailer at IRIP!

LaLaLaLaLaIcan'tfuckinghearyouLaLaLaLaLa

:banghead:  :banghead:  :banghead:

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God damn I hope I don't listen to this in the trailer at IRIP!

LaLaLaLaLaIcan'tfuckinghearyouLaLaLaLaLa

:banghead:  :banghead:  :banghead:

Naw, just gonna do sing-alongs!!! Ya know, maybe some Eagle tunes, or "Ramblin man" stuff like that! :joker:

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But oh how it feels so real

Lying here with no one near,

Only you and you can't hear me

When I say softly,slowly.

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Isn't it nice

Sugar and spice

Luring disco dollies

To a life of vice

I could make a film

And make you my star

You'd be a natural

The way you are

I would like you on

A long black leash

I would parade you

Down the high street

You've got the attraction

You've got the pulling power

Walk my little doggy

Walk my little sex dwarf

(Here, doggy, doggy)

We could make a scene

We'd be a team

Making the headlines

Sounds like a dream

When we hit the floor

You just watch them move aside

We will take them

For a ride of rides

They all love your

Miniature ways

You know what they say

About small girls

 

Sex dwarf...

 

(Look it's so huge!)

 

We all look so good

We'll knock 'em cold

Knocking 'em cold

In Black and Gold

 

Isn't it nice

Sugar and spice

Luring disco dollies

To a life of vice

 

Sex Dwarf...

 

(We all look so good

We'll knock 'em cold

Knocking 'em cold

In Black and Gold)

 

Sex Dwarf

Isn't it nice

Luring Disco Dollies

To a life of vice

 

Sex Dwarf...

 

Sex Dwarf

Isn't it nice

Luring Disco Dollies

To a life of vice

 

"That's nice !!!"

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God damn I hope I don't listen to this in the trailer at IRIP!

LaLaLaLaLaIcan'tfuckinghearyouLaLaLaLaLa

:banghead:  :banghead:  :banghead:

Naw, just gonna do sing-alongs!!! Ya know, maybe some Eagle tunes, or "Ramblin man" stuff like that! :joker:

10 bucks says your all sitting around singing "Showtunes" :Spanish:

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You argue that you need 300 handguns, in case a bear ever attacks your home.

Can"t have enough. What about a "Herd of Bears" ?

 

 

 

 

......................................... :Beer-Chug[1]:

Don't need a gun to protect your home from Bears.

 

Just make your backyard into an end zone.

 

That will keep them out...

 

Thanks, Danny

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Tiny Dancer

Fuck Elton John!

...Hold me closer, Tiny Dancer...

Count the headlights on the Highway....

Hold me closer Tony Danza...

 

Thanks, Danny

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You argue that you need 300 handguns, in case a bear ever attacks your home.

Can"t have enough. What about a "Herd of Bears" ?

 

 

 

 

......................................... :Beer-Chug[1]:

Don't need a gun to protect your home from Bears.

 

Just make your backyard into an end zone.

 

That will keep them out...

 

Thanks, Danny

:rotfl:  :rotfl:  :P

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God damn I hope I don't listen to this in the trailer at IRIP!

LaLaLaLaLaIcan'tfuckinghearyouLaLaLaLaLa

:banghead:  :banghead:  :banghead:

Naw, just gonna do sing-alongs!!! Ya know, maybe some Eagle tunes, or "Ramblin man" stuff like that! :joker:

10 bucks says your all sitting around singing "Showtunes" :Spanish:

"....Have gun, will travel, reads the card of a man...."

 

...Rollin, rollin, rollin, keep them doggies rollin, Rawhiiiiidddee!"

 

...Here's a story, of a man named Brady..."

 

..."Flintstones, meet the Flintstones, they're a modern stone-age family..from the, town of bedrock..."

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Damn, all this time I thought I was a Republican...Apparently I'm a Librarian....or whatever it was :uhoh:

No, you're a Republican..Libertarians know how to spell.

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God damn I hope I don't listen to this in the trailer at IRIP!

LaLaLaLaLaIcan'tfuckinghearyouLaLaLaLaLa

:banghead:  :banghead:  :banghead:

Naw, just gonna do sing-alongs!!! Ya know, maybe some Eagle tunes, or "Ramblin man" stuff like that! :joker:

10 bucks says your all sitting around singing "Showtunes" :Spanish:

"....Have gun, will travel, reads the card of a man...."

 

...Rollin, rollin, rollin, keep them doggies rollin, Rawhiiiiidddee!"

 

...Here's a story, of a man named Brady..."

 

..."Flintstones, meet the Flintstones, they're a modern stone-age family..from the, town of bedrock..."

If you are leading the singalong it will probably be more like.....

 

 

"Can you tell me how to get, How to get to Sesame Street"

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