Chiefin Posted April 4, 2005 Share Posted April 4, 2005 1. Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day; teach that person to use the Internet and they won't bother you for weeks. 2. Some people are like Slinkies . . . not really good for anything, but you can't help but smile when you see one tumble down the stairs. 3. I read recipes the same way I read science fiction. I get to the end and I think, "Well, that's not going to happen." 4. Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing. 5. The other night I ate at a real family restaurant. Every table had an argument going. 6. Have you noticed since everyone has a camcorder these days no one talks about seeing UFOs like they used to? 7. According to a recent survey, men say the first thing they notice about a woman is their eyes, and women say the first thing they notice about men is they're a bunch of liars. 8. Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again. 9. All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism. 10. Have you noticed that a slight tax increase costs you two hundred dollars and a substantial tax cut saves you thirty cents? 11. In the 60's people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal. 12. Politics is supposed to be the second oldest profession. I have come to realize that it bears a very close resemblance to the first. 13. There is a theory, which states that if ever anybody discovers exactly what the Universe is for and why it is here, it will instantly disappear and be replaced by something even more bizarre and inexplicable. There is another theory which states that this has already happened. 14. How is it that one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire? 15. You read about all these terrorists--most of them came here legally, but they hung around on these expired visas, some for as long as 10-15 years. Now, compare that to Blockbuster: you're two days late with a video and those people are all over you. Let's put Blockbuster in charge of immigration. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest_ikonboard Posted April 4, 2005 Share Posted April 4, 2005 #2 and #11 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wind Dancer Posted April 4, 2005 Share Posted April 4, 2005 #2 and #7. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wolfman George Posted April 4, 2005 Share Posted April 4, 2005 #13 ??? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KC Cheef Posted April 4, 2005 Share Posted April 4, 2005 #2 and #11 Hey eraserhead--did we meet in '68? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rosie Posted April 5, 2005 Share Posted April 5, 2005 7. According to a recent survey, men say the first thing they notice about a woman is their eyes, and women say the first thing they notice about men is they're a bunch of liars. Women have eyes? Who knew.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest_ikonboard Posted April 5, 2005 Share Posted April 5, 2005 #1-#15...yeah I love that shit! Platitudes?? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest_ikonboard Posted April 5, 2005 Share Posted April 5, 2005 #2 and #11 Hey eraserhead--did we meet in '68? If I remember, then I wasn't there! And if I was there I don't remember :uhoh: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BIGSHIVE Posted April 5, 2005 Share Posted April 5, 2005 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pop Posted April 5, 2005 Share Posted April 5, 2005 Come 7 come 11. Ain't it da troot! Ahh cha cha cha. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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