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On The Loss Of One's Last Parent


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Yesterday, my 88 year old mother passed away ten months after my dad's passing. Oddly enough, that very night I was writing her obituary and working on a eulogy. She gave me the ending.

 

Valerie and I flew back last Thursday on a long ago scheduled visit to spend an extended weekend with her. By Friday her condition had dramatically worsened to the extent that by Saturday morning we thought she had only hours to live. We set up a family vigil with one of my brothers - he would spend the night with Mom and Valerie and I spent days with her.

 

We talked about life, death, living, dying, her funeral, her obituary; we cried, we laughed. I asked her if she was afraid of dying and she told me no - she was ready. "The worst thing that could happen to me has already happened to me" she would tell me, referring to Dad's death, and then say "I'm just not having fun anymore." She couldn't move, could barely talk, yet maintained her sense of humor.

 

Tuesday when we had to leave, we spent an hour with her and she was lucid enough so that we could say our good-byes which were more about telling her how much we loved her. She passed away in the early morning yesterday.

 

I am devastated by her passing, and we all miss her, but we are so happy for her that one long journey has ended and another longer journey has just begun.

 

"The reality is that you will grieve forever. You will not 'get over' the loss of a loved one; you will learn to live with it. You will heal and you will rebuild yourself around the loss you have suffered. You will learn to live again but you will never be the same. Nor should you be the same . . . nor would you want to."

 

Elizabeth Kubler-Ross

 

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Bob,

 

Sorry to hear of your loss, after talking with you on the phone and reading your posts I am sure your mother had a wonderful life (your father made sure of that) and you boyz might have helped a little. Please know that my wife & I will be thinking of Valerie and you while in the sweat lodge.

 

Hoping your pain is short and yet lasts forever

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It was nearly 30 years ago that my parents died within two years of each other. Papa was the first to go and that hit me the hardest. I was 26. He was 67. Mama stayed healthy for about a year then I think she decided she'd rather be in Heaven with Papa so when she got sick (cancer) she did not fight it much.

I will miss them always, but as each year goes by, I feel closer to my Papa. It feels as if he walks with me every day and he still teaches me things.

 

Prayers to to and your family.

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"The reality is that you will grieve forever. You will not 'get over' the loss of a loved one; you will learn to live with it. You will heal and you will rebuild yourself around the loss you have suffered. You will learn to live again but you will never be the same. Nor should you be the same . . . nor would you want to."

 

Elizabeth Kubler-Ross

 

Sorry for your loss, TallRider.

 

The statement above is profoundly true.

Like you, I was lucky enough to spend a few days with my Dad, shortly before he passed away. We talked about everything. That time will stay with me forever, and it is something I reflect on often.

 

Take care, brother.

 

 

T

Edited by indian T
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Jesus wept.

Thanks for sharing.

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Sorry for your loss, you and your family helped both parents leave the way they chose to go and that is something to be proud of. Positive thoughts sent from the east side.

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When my dad passed years ago a friend, who's dad had also passed told me;

 

"The pain you feel, in time, will pass. But the void you feel, unfortunately, will not."

 

He was right. I still miss my dad, and do not want the void to subside because it is a sign that I loved him, and still do. Strangely, I find a peace in this, and it seems you are like minded in your theology. God bless your mom (and dad) and your memories of her, and God bless you and your family in this time of grieving. Shedding a tear, and offering prayers for y'all.

 

Greg

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  • 3 weeks later...

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