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I thought we had determined that....... I was the voice of reason.....

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521775_291953000937885_2138290309_n.jpg?

 

 

 

 

I think all these legal notifications could be vastly simplified to:

 

"If you're an IDIOT do not use this product."

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I think all these legal notifications could be vastly simplified to:

 

"If you're an IDIOT do not use this product."

 

Have you seen the bullshit they put on ladders?

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Have you seen the bullshit they put on ladders?

 

Haha! You should see mine. It has more stickers than on the back of a liberal's Volvo. :nod:

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I think all these legal notifications could be vastly simplified to:

 

"If you're an IDIOT do not use this product."

 

Yeah, but that would take away 90% of their customers.

 

Lawyers.....

 

Not lawyers - juries. Up here, cases like that are decided by judges - to get a case like that in front of a jury you have to get special permission from the Court, which ain't easy. That`s why we have a cap on `pain and suffering' damages since '76. $250,000.00, indexed to inflation. No way these cases should be heard by juries.

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Yeah, but that would take away 90% of their customers.

 

 

Not lawyers - juries. Up here, cases like that are decided by judges - to get a case like that in front of a jury you have to get special permission from the Court, which ain't easy. That`s why we have a cap on `pain and suffering' damages since '76. $250,000.00, indexed to inflation. No way these cases should be heard by juries.

Hell, no way they should be heard by anyone, judges should throw the lawyer who bring these BULLSHIT cases in front of the court should be tossed in the pokey for a month, after the 5th infraction they get disbarred and spend a year in the can.

 

Remember, stupid can't be fixed, but it can be euthanize'd if treated properly :nod:

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perfect timing

 

A truck driver would amuse himself by running over lawyers.
Whenever he saw a lawyer walking down the side of the road he would swerve to hit him, enjoy the load, satisfying "THUMP", and then swerve back onto the road.
(at this point some of you are probably wondering how the trucker could distinguish the lawyers from the humans. Obviously he saw the trail of slime they left!)
One day, as the truck driver was driving along he saw a priest hitchhiking.
He thought he would do a good turn and pulled the truck over.
He asked the priest, "Where are you going, Father?"
"I'm going to the church 5 miles down the road," replied the priest.
"No problem, Father! I'll give you a lift. Climb in the truck."
The happy priest climbed into the passenger seat and the truck driver continued down the road.
Suddenly the truck driver saw a lawyer walking down the road and instinctively he swerved to hit him.
But then he remembered there was a priest in the truck with him, so at the last minute he swerved back away, narrowly missing the lawyer. However even though he was certain he missed the lawyer, he still heard a loud "THUD".
Not understanding where the noise came from he glanced in his mirrors and when he didn't see anything, he turned to the priest and said, "I'm sorry Father. I almost hit that lawyer."
"That's okay", replied the priest. "I got him with the door!"

 

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

 

At the height of a political corruption trial, the prosecuting attorney attacked a witness.

 

“Isn’t it true,” he bellowed, “that you accepted five thousand dollars to compromise this case?”

The witness stared out the window, as though he hadn’t heard the question.

 

“Isn’t it true that you accepted five thousand dollars to compromise this case?” the lawyer repeated.

The witness still did not respond.

Finally, the judge leaned over and said, “Sir, please answer the question.”

 

“Oh,” the startled witness said, “I thought he was talking to you.”

 

 

*****************************************************************************

 

A very old woman realizes that she's seen and done everything

 

and the time has come to depart from this world.

After considering various methods of doing away with herself, she decides to shoot herself through the heart.

Not wanting to make a mistake, she phones her doctor and asks him the exact location of the heart.

He tells her that the heart is located two inches below the left nipple.

The old woman hangs up the phone, takes careful aim and shoots herself in the left knee.

 

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

 

S(p)eaking of Idiots..

 

 

Three men, a philosopher, a mathematician and an idiot, were out riding in the car when it crashed into a tree.

Before anyone knows it, the three men found themselves standing before the pearly gates of Heaven,

 

where St. Peter and the Devil were standing nearby.

 

"Gentlemen," the Devil started, "Due to the fact that Heaven is now overcrowded,

 

St. Peter has agreed to limit the number of people entering Heaven.

If anyone of you can ask me a question which I don't know or cannot answer,

 

then you're worthy enough to go to Heaven; if not, then you'll come with me to Hell."

 

The philosopher then stepped up, "OK, give me the most comprehensive report on Socrates' Socrates' teachings."

With a snap of his finger, a stack of paper appeared next to the Devil.

The philosopher read it and concluded it was correct.

"Then, go to Hell!"

With another snap of his finger, the philsopher disappeared.

 

The mathematician then asked,"Give me the most complicated formula ever theorized!"

With a snap of his finger, another stack of paper appeared next to the Devil.

 

The mathematician read it and reluctantly agreed it was correct.

"Then, go to Hell!" With another snap of his finger, the mathematician disappeared too.

 

The idiot then stepped forward and said, "Bring me a chair!"

The Devil brought forward a chair. "Drill 7 holes on the seat."

The Devil did just that.

The idiot then sat on the chair and let out a very loud shart.

Standing up, he asked, "Which hole did my fart come out from?"

The Devil inspected the seat and said,"The third hole from the right."

"Wrong," said the idiot, "it's from my asshole."

And the idiot went to heaven.

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