Dr. Mark Posted April 9, 2013 Share Posted April 9, 2013 Just when I think I have seen it all.... Yesterday they brought in an inmate from the federal Pen. Guy was doubled over in the fetal position, screaming. Turns out, Fetal-position guy had tried to smuggle a cell phone into prison...by sticking it where the sun don't shine. As you might imagine, this did not turn out well for Fetal-position guy. This is called a "Bowel Obstruction". He figured he'd get in, and after a few days, he'd shit the thing out, clean it up, and call home. Didn't work out quite that way. He didn't seem to understand, things that are SQUARE have a hard time exiting a ROUND hole... After about a week or ten days with no poo, and increasing abdominal pain, he gets brought in to be evaluated. Get some imaging studies, and viola! A phone! In his colon! Well, it looks close enough to the exit that I may be able to extract it, so... We get a pediatric speculum, some ring forceps, a couple of large tubes of KY, and I go spelunking. This is the glamorous life of a doctor. Well, after much probing (me), much screaming (him) and a good bit of cursing (both of us), I extract... An iPhone. Steve Jobs would be so proud. I dropped it into the surgical basin, turned to the RN assisting me, and said: "It's a boy." She looked at me, looked at the phone and asked: "Is it set to "ring" or 'vibrate'. Only a woman would think of that. The other nurse, male, asked "How many missed calls?" After I got out of my surgical gown, and removed my three layers of gloves, I went back to check on fetal-position guy, who was feeling much better. (After I extracted the phone, he took a shit that would have made a bull elephant proud.) So, I asked, "How did you plan on charging that thing up?" The look on his face at that moment was priceless. His thought processes had not extended that far. Oh well...a rocket scientist would not have shoved a cell phone up his ass in the first place. 7 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
meinekemike1 Posted April 9, 2013 Share Posted April 9, 2013 Funny stuff !!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
indian terry Posted April 9, 2013 Share Posted April 9, 2013 Gives a new meaning to Butt calling someone. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joehoward Posted April 9, 2013 Share Posted April 9, 2013 Cell phone smuggling = felony All of the medical bills will be paid for (most likely) with tax dollars. Everyone is a loser in this case because of this guys stupidity. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dr. Mark Posted April 9, 2013 Author Share Posted April 9, 2013 Cell phone smuggling = felony All of the medical bills will be paid for (most likely) with tax dollars. Everyone is a loser in this case because of this guys stupidity. Yup. Rocket scientist just tacked a few more years on his sentence. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eraserhead Posted April 9, 2013 Share Posted April 9, 2013 Oh they shove a lot of shit up their asses.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Airpirate Posted April 9, 2013 Share Posted April 9, 2013 the must have planned on "talking some shit" 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CHIEF DOC 99 Posted April 9, 2013 Share Posted April 9, 2013 Booty Call Tryin' to snap some impressive prostate gland closeups for facebook...guided colonic video tour? Probably a bank ceo convicted of extortion, fraud and money laundering lookin' to day trade & make a few bux while locked up. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vintageroger Posted April 9, 2013 Share Posted April 9, 2013 Oh they shove a lot of shit up their asses.... Sounds about right. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blu Posted April 9, 2013 Share Posted April 9, 2013 I was wondering about the procedure used to insert it in the first place. A retangular object in a round hole as the good Dr mentions, sound like quite the project. However, I just paid my quarterly taxes so I am now well familiar with having something uncomfortable shoved up my ass. 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Maldev Posted April 9, 2013 Share Posted April 9, 2013 is that the new iShit 5 phone? 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blu Posted April 9, 2013 Share Posted April 9, 2013 is that the new iShit 5 phone? The "i" is for internal. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mt95 Posted April 10, 2013 Share Posted April 10, 2013 Charles Darwin was not wrong. Eventually the gene pool catches up with these morons. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IndianTrue Posted April 10, 2013 Share Posted April 10, 2013 Tomorrow his room mate is coming in for the same problem and when the procedure is completed you then will have the charger that goes with the phone. If the goof ball that had the hidden phone would have had the camera on he might have saved the cost of the next colonoscopy. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
seefriedm Posted April 10, 2013 Share Posted April 10, 2013 (edited) Damn, so now he goes by.....No SHIT Shurlock Or the guys in Cell Block B are yelling at him what.......'shit for brains" or "you are sooooo full of Shit your eyes are brown" Oh or his favorite song is Capt. Fantactic and the Brown Dirt Cowboy Edited April 10, 2013 by seefriedm Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lschultz Posted April 10, 2013 Share Posted April 10, 2013 What a job you got Dr. You get to dig around in somebodys butt then you get to get on here with all of these diasafunctional misfits. You fit in good. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chiefin Posted April 10, 2013 Share Posted April 10, 2013 Just when I think I have seen it all.... Yesterday they brought in an inmate from the federal Pen. Guy was doubled over in the fetal position, screaming. Turns out, Fetal-position guy had tried to smuggle a cell phone into prison...by sticking it where the sun don't shine. As you might imagine, this did not turn out well for Fetal-position guy. This is called a "Bowel Obstruction". He figured he'd get in, and after a few days, he'd shit the thing out, clean it up, and call home. Didn't work out quite that way. He didn't seem to understand, things that are SQUARE have a hard time exiting a ROUND hole... After about a week or ten days with no poo, and increasing abdominal pain, he gets brought in to be evaluated. Get some imaging studies, and viola! A phone! In his colon! Well, it looks close enough to the exit that I may be able to extract it, so... We get a pediatric speculum, some ring forceps, a couple of large tubes of KY, and I go spelunking. This is the glamorous life of a doctor. Well, after much probing (me), much screaming (him) and a good bit of cursing (both of us), I extract... An iPhone. Steve Jobs would be so proud. I dropped it into the surgical basin, turned to the RN assisting me, and said: "It's a boy." She looked at me, looked at the phone and asked: "Is it set to "ring" or 'vibrate'. Only a woman would think of that. The other nurse, male, asked "How many missed calls?" After I got out of my surgical gown, and removed my three layers of gloves, I went back to check on fetal-position guy, who was feeling much better. (After I extracted the phone, he took a shit that would have made a bull elephant proud.) So, I asked, "How did you plan on charging that thing up?" The look on his face at that moment was priceless. His thought processes had not extended that far. Oh well...a rocket scientist would not have shoved a cell phone up his ass in the first place. BWAHAHAHAAAHAAA,,,,,,that story was worth the coffee out the nose,,!!!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chiefin Posted April 10, 2013 Share Posted April 10, 2013 uhhhh,,, did ya get to keep the phone?,,, you could use the "finders/keeper" rule,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, just a thought,,, Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scalper38 Posted April 10, 2013 Share Posted April 10, 2013 Wow. I certainly needed a good laugh after my FINE F'n commute this morning. Ya gotta love idiots. Well, the ones not on the road anyway. Good thing the wife hasn't let me put that $3k deer bumper on or I would seriously consider bumping a few people outta my damn way!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scalper38 Posted April 10, 2013 Share Posted April 10, 2013 uhhhh,,, did ya get to keep the phone?,,, you could use the "finders/keeper" rule,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, just a thought,,, EWWWWW! However, if that sucker still works, send it back to Apple with the story!! The person that opens the envelope will hold it, look at it, wonder what's up, then drop it like a hot rock when they get to the bottom of the story. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DienCaiDau Posted April 10, 2013 Share Posted April 10, 2013 They'll probably ring his ass up for that! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
indian terry Posted April 10, 2013 Share Posted April 10, 2013 I bet his Data plan ran over the limit whilst stuck up his ass .... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hasbin Posted April 10, 2013 Share Posted April 10, 2013 Hold on, hold on bro, we got a shitty connection... 7 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dr. Mark Posted April 10, 2013 Author Share Posted April 10, 2013 Hold on, hold on bro, we got a shitty connection... Chris wins. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lschultz Posted April 11, 2013 Share Posted April 11, 2013 I just had a scary thought. What if a ole man with a plumber's ass crack wearing a thong was to come in to your emergency room with some well lets just say rectal problems from the thong rubbing on his anus. What what would you do? 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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