XV62 Posted July 25, 2007 Share Posted July 25, 2007 And they hired this guy............. This is an actual job application that a 75 year old senior citizen submitted to Walmart in Arkansas. They hired him because he was so funny..... NAME: Kenneth Way (Grumpy Old Fart) SEX: Not lately, but I am looking for the right woman (or at least one who will cooperate) DESIRED POSITION: Company's President or Vice President. But seriously, whatever's available. If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn't be applying here in the first place ? DESIRED SALARY: $185,000 a year plus stock options and a Michael Ovitz style severance package. If that's not possible, make an offer and we can haggle. EDUCATION: Yes. LAST POSITION HELD: Target for middle management hostility. PREVIOUS SALARY: A lot less than I'm worth. MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT: My incredible collection of stolen pens and post-it notes. REASON FOR LEAVING: It sucked. HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK: Any. PREFERRED HOURS: 1:30-3:30 p.m. Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday. DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS?: Yes, but they're better suited to a more intimate environment. MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER?: If I had one, would I be here? DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT WOULD PROHIBIT YOU FROM LIFTING UP TO 50 lbs.? Of what? DO YOU HAVE A CAR?: I think the more appropriate question here would be "Do you have a car that runs?" HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITION?: I may already be a winner of the Publishers Clearing House Sweepstakes, so they tell me. DO YOU SMOKE?: On the job - no! On my breaks - yes! WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS?: Living in the Bahamas with a fabulously wealthy dumb sexy blonde supermodel who thinks I'm the greatest thing since sliced bread. Actually, I'd like to be doing that now. NEAREST RELATIVE....7 miles DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE TO THE BEST OF YOUR KNOWLEDGE?: Oh yes, absolutely. GRUMPY OLD FARTS ROCK Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Last Resort Posted July 25, 2007 Share Posted July 25, 2007 Was that from Rosie? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MOE Posted July 25, 2007 Share Posted July 25, 2007 Was that from Rosie? had to be, just had to be rosie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
homer Posted July 25, 2007 Share Posted July 25, 2007 (edited) could be paul...not grumpy enuff for charger.. eric Edited July 25, 2007 by homer Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rosie Posted July 25, 2007 Share Posted July 25, 2007 Was that from Rosie? Fuck the whole fuckin' bunch of ya.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fat Charlie Posted July 25, 2007 Share Posted July 25, 2007 Fuck the whole fuckin' bunch of ya.... Not unless you buy drinks first. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rosie Posted July 25, 2007 Share Posted July 25, 2007 Not unless you buy drinks first. Good to see someone on here has standards.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pop Posted July 26, 2007 Share Posted July 26, 2007 I'll just touch on a coupla the rocket scientists I had the pleasure of employing. One fella worked part of a week. Then he laid out a week without phone call one, shows up the next and tells me he hadda stay home on accounta his wifes car broke and she had to use his truck to get to work at the Circle K. I mentioned that since he wuz a pipewelder and she wuz a clerk, he mighta prioritized gettin his own ass to the job and makin some real money. He clarified thus... "Well ya see, my wife... she don't fish." Another time fella wuz sposed to start for me on a Monday at a shutdown in a coal fired boilerhouse. I needed the help and when they sent me the list of new hires his name (which I ain't never forgot) got my attention and I wuz lookin forward to our acquaintance. We wuz loading platinum into these scrubbers and there wuz wikid security so I hadda leave a runner at the gate in the truck to pick up my noobs. This guy weren't among 'em. Tuesday he don't show, Wednesday mornin I called the front office and nobody heard from him so I wrote him off. Wednesday after lunch I hear one a them silly musical car horns and I look out my window and a gold Eldorado is wheeling up at my office steps which can't be on accounta security but anyways up the step he comes and steps right in, looks me up and down and sez "I'm Rupert Malchinksky, pipefitter extraordinary." I looked him up and down and said "I'm Pop, superintendent pissed off! Where the hell you been?" He opened the door and spit out a gob of Copenhagen, wiped the drool offa his chin and said "Them wuz the worst directions I ever got." I made him a foreman. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
homer Posted July 26, 2007 Share Posted July 26, 2007 I'll just touch on a coupla the rocket scientists I had the pleasure of employing. One fella worked part of a week. Then he laid out a week without phone call one, shows up the next and tells me he hadda stay home on accounta his wifes car broke and she had to use his truck to get to work at the Circle K. I mentioned that since he wuz a pipewelder and she wuz a clerk, he mighta prioritized gettin his own ass to the job and makin some real money. He clarified thus... "Well ya see, my wife... she don't fish." Another time fella wuz sposed to start for me on a Monday at a shutdown in a coal fired boilerhouse. I needed the help and when they sent me the list of new hires his name (which I ain't never forgot) got my attention and I wuz lookin forward to our acquaintance. We wuz loading platinum into these scrubbers and there wuz wikid security so I hadda leave a runner at the gate in the truck to pick up my noobs. This guy weren't among 'em. Tuesday he don't show, Wednesday mornin I called the front office and nobody heard from him so I wrote him off. Wednesday after lunch I hear one a them silly musical car horns and I look out my window and a gold Eldorado is wheeling up at my office steps which can't be on accounta security but anyways up the step he comes and steps right in, looks me up and down and sez "I'm Rupert Malchinksky, pipefitter extraordinary." I looked him up and down and said "I'm Pop, superintendent pissed off! Where the hell you been?" He opened the door and spit out a gob of Copenhagen, wiped the drool offa his chin and said "Them wuz the worst directions I ever got." I made him a foreman. that's too funny to not be true.. eric Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hasbin Posted July 26, 2007 Share Posted July 26, 2007 that's too funny to not be true..eric It's gotta be a lie, A good fitter is hard to find A foreskin is a dime a dozen, Oh I meant forman HeHeHeHe Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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