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Eyeball Protocol



So, I had a small cavity in my molar that my dentist felt we should handle before it got big. Now, I'm not afraid of the dentist like some people are, in fact, I really like getting my teeth cleaned. However, there is somehting strangely akward about the whole process that I can't quite put my finger on. I think it's because you have a person putting their hands in your mouth.


I mean,it's kinda weird if you think about it. A person, harldy more than an aquaintance, is stuffing their hands and instruments inside your mouth. The funny thing is, at least to me, that's not even the most akward part.


I'm having trouble figuring out the eyeball protocol.


Yes, the eyeball protocol. I always think it's rude to stare, yet what do you look at? I have a hygenist working on my mouth, so I look up and I'm staring at her masked face, and we make eye contact occasionally, and I immediately avert my eyes because it's like "getting caught" staring. Unfortunately, if I look down I'm staring at her boobies, and I KNOW that's a no-no!! So, I look up into the light, and I can't do that for too long, so I close my eyes.


Closing my eyes is kinda nice, because you don't have to look at anybody, and I find it easier to daydream about whatever. Usually, I end up thinking about a science fiction short-story I read years ago called "Dentist to the Gods" which was about an American Dentist that gets abducted by aliens because they need him to do dental work on one of the alien honchos. He does such a good job, he gets all these other alien species hitting him up for dental work. It was definitely a weird story and I do not know why It sticks with me in my memory banks. I think because even as I read it I thought "This HAS to be written by a real dentist that is probably a closet trekkie." I think I recall the story got pretty in depth about dental work procedures, so I figured it wasn't a laymen writing about this, it was more of a dentist trying his hand at writing science fiction. I could be wrong.


The probelm I find with closing my eyes is two-fold. First, I think that by closing my eyes the hygenist may think I'm in pain and cause her to worry. After all, that would be rude to make her think she is creating me problems, right? Now, this is probably paranoia on my part because every time I've closed my eyes, they never ask me "You okay?" or "Am I hurting you?" So I can only assume that they don't think that, but somehow I still feel self-conscious. Who knows? I've sen the version of "Little shop of Horrors" in which Steve Martin played a sadistic dentist so, I'm thinking maybe they all have a sadistic streak?


Jeez, I hope not. Think I'm being paranoid again.


In any event, the second issue I have is that when I close my eyes, I actually start getting sleepy. I know this must sound strange;I mean, here I am, having people scrap, tug and grind away in my mouth, and I can close my eyes and probably take a nap. In fact, I have actually found myself going there, and the only thing that brings me back is the hygenist telling me that I need to "open wider, please!" I 'm thankful she does this, because in a few more minutes I think I'd have been snoring, and that, my friends would be very embarrassing indeed!


So, does anybody know a good "eyeball protocol?" I think what I end up doing with my eyes is keep them busy by darting around in different directions. Some eye contact...on to the boobs, woops.. on to the light, ocuh.. then on their hands... back to their eyes... close my eyes...Sleeeepy...SNAP them open.. down to the boobs...etc.


Ya know, it would be cool if the dentist issues sunglasses, so you feel like you can look anywhere you want without them knowing. Of ocurse, I know that would just get me in trouble....


Falling asleep, that is. ;)


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